haiiz.. i dun wanna be xo emotional na, everyday i was challenged emotionally and im getting tired na.. it's like everyday mas lalo aco naccra.. hanggng ngaun i dunno kung ano ngwa co keia nangyyre xken lhat ng to..

i've been posting this over ang over again.. sigh..


19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19

it all started after i tried breaking free, that time i thought THAT was the right time to be me.. i always hear something from them (kada) na ''ur myterious kac kaya no one understands you and no one reaches out.. kac prang in ur condition, u should be the one reaching out..'' then i freed myself.. but then i dunno that i approached things that way, i hurt so many feelings..

im insane, im paranoid, im miserable, and it's like i wish to go back from my shell na lng.. :-/

(and so on..)

..i just dunno if the kada i have right now are true to me.. i mean, i just knew that a gradeschool friendship is still thicker than a highschool friendship.. i dunno if their advices are really gonna help me or just because / so that his friend would not feel bad.. sigh.. get that?

basta feel ko out of, almost 15 of them.. i only got 5 or 6.. even ung mga ngging ka-close co na, feel co at the back of their minds, e plastikan p rin.. sigh, kung alam nio lng naf-feel co.. to the point na, pagnkqta aco ng knife i can end my life na.. gnun na ang level.. :(

i know na problems are just obstacles in our everydays.. and that we could just passed them by or solve 'em in no effort.. but then in my case, there are never ending problems.. i mean, i just got one, then another one, then another.. lam mo un? prng ''anu ba isa-isa lng!!'' ..and im tired na..

nadagdag pa to.. started after you walked into my life, i'll never regret it, and i dun blame you at all.. prang lhat ng to ngyyre after i met you.. (bulleted)

*i dun know kung cnu ung nagkalat na i was scribing something on my skin, ur name. and that nlman pa ni fadz, even our adviser.. or better almost whole faculty..
*then the secret na i know na xxbhin co nmn kei 02 and c05. kei tate mo pa unang cnbi, kya nlman ng iba..
*then the fact na i tried not to make pancin of you, then u BEG na di co gawin. cuz it wont do any good, then i stopped pro wut u doin,, it's like (uggh) ..
*and also the thing about him, i dun want to be selfish. I JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED.. that's why..
*with him, ya, i should not be acting like this towards you, all i wanted to say deep in my heart na ***************. then i knew about ur post, na ngxxbe about i**s**.. (hihi), na nagkuxap pla kau and that 19 is not telling me the truth..


OHGENERALIZED
i could generalized now.. i don't have back-ups.. why? cuz no one has their own sides. i know it's bad pero, whenever i see smthing like that prng im ALONe, i dunno kung 22o cla xken.. kya prng pag mei nka-away aco, lhat xa side nia kac nga nmn CHILDHOOD FRIEND/GRADESCHOOL FRIEND.. and wula aco binatbat kx 4-yir friend lng aco.. im not angry, im just stating my side..

lhat nagssecrets, kac im myterious.. i freed, then mdming nxktan.. i dunno if the kada i have are true or what.


19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19.19





i can't think na, i know this post is confusing pro sna u and u got my points.. all i can say is that I DUN WANT TO BE SELFISH..pro i just wanted to be loved.. :(

haii.. life is so miserable.. always causing me trouble and failures.. i sometimes feel that MY life is so unfair, living like this is something i can't stand.. and i might not be have the right to be happy.. and that i feel like i should not be living pa.. haii.. somebody please end my life..


it all started when i met you.. don't ever think that i blame you in all this things,, actually i become a better person just after you walked into my life, im so grateful,, maybe it's just that i approached things differently and without knowlegde..


as i find love in you, i started to be like crazy and not on my own self and i started to feel my importance to people. by you, i broke free to my .. but then i become obsessed,, i scribed your name to my hand, and further causes me trouble..


and for that, i love you xo much..

falling in love has never easy for me, even facing the truth as i've learned. trying to be myself or better trying to fit in is regretful. i never thought i faced things this way - only makes me feel pathetic, putting myself down and pessimistic, hurting 2 real friends.. oh, never easy..

now i'm not putting an end to this lil dream of mine, but i'll keep it and not throw it away. and i hope things will be brought back to normal.

dancing lalala..

sigh*